So I went to dinner with my friend Michelle tonight and we briefly started chatting about the end of the world...I brought it up because I had heard here and there that some churches are predicting the world might be ending in a couple of years and the other night I started to get worried about having a 4th baby because if the world is just going to end in a couple of years, what's the point? I might as well spend all my time with the 3 kids I have...but then Chris was like "You can't live your life in fear of what IS or ISN'T going to happen"...and seriously guys, I am a lame-o who worries about this more than I should...when I was contemplating going back to school for nursing, this exact same thing was on my list of reasons why I SHOULDN'T go back...because what's the point in studying nonstop for 2 years when I could be spending that time with my kids when the world might just be ending...ANYWAY, so my stupid self comes home tonight and googled "Why are some churches predicting the world is going to end in 2012?"...turns out, it's not just the churches predicting it...it's Nostradamus, and the Mayan Calendar and scientists...and I've now been on here for a good hour reading all kinds of scary crap like this:
See, the day of the LORD is coming -a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger- to make the land desolate and destroy the sinners within it. The stars of heaven and their constellations will not show their light. The rising sun will be darkened and the moon will not give its light. I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless. I will make man scarcer than pure gold, more rare than the gold of Ophir. Therefore I will make the heavens tremble; and the earth will shake from its place at the wrath of the LORD Almighty, in the day of his burning anger. (Isaiah 13:9-13)
And this:
Woe to you who long for the day of the LORD! Why do you long for the day of the LORD ? That day will be darkness, not light. It will be as though a man fled from a lion only to meet a bear, as though he entered his house and rested his hand on the wall only to have a snake bite him. Will not the day of the LORD be darkness, not light-pitch-dark, without a ray of brightness? (Amos 5:18-20)
Um, can I just get a "Go straight to Heaven" pass? Like in Monopoly? Because I'd rather not witness any of that above. Seriously, what if I'm not doing enough? What if believing in God and accepting him into my life isn't enough...I should be tithe-ing (sp) and reading the boring bible (sorry God but it's super boring and verses like those from above kind of freak me out), and bringing my kids to church every week and praying more than just once a day. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. I can't go to hell. And then, someone on facebook posted their status about Death being their biggest fear...Um hello...welcome to my world...myself dying, my family...Can't.Deal.With.That. And then other people start commenting about how you shouldn't be afraid of death because when you die, you'll be seeing Jesus, etc...Just so you know, the girls that were posting this are 15/16...what is wrong with me when I'm 29 and I'm completely freaked about dying and making it into heaven yet teenage girls are like "Yeah, let's all die now and go to Heaven!"...so I googled, Fear of Dying...and it was talking about how sometimes it's just fear of the unknown and that it's proven that as you get older, you care less about dying...that's obvious to me because multiple "grandmas" in my life have, on more than one occasion, mentioned that they'd be fine if they died tomorrow...which I absolutely do not understand in the least...and I can't imagine ever getting to that point in my life...hopefully I will...otherwise I will be the only 80 year old nutjob on the planet...of course, if the rest of the world is right...I'm only going to make it to 32...not even...because I'll be 5 days short of my 32nd birthday =( Adler would only be 2, Asher would only be 5 and Ayris would only be 7...that's TOO young! And what about my kids? At what age do they become accountable? Do you get a free pass to heaven if you're under a certain age? How could any kids be left behind? Chris gets annoyed when I start asking all of these questions, because he doesn't have the answers...but honestly, I'd like a Frequently Asked Questions section of the bible...where is that? That would be super helpful to me. Or if there was a webpage that God could set up where you could submit your questions and then he'd answer them. I've never been good with "vague"...plus I don't have patience...and I hate not knowing things...like how much time I have left...not that I'd want to know when I'm going to die...but I sure hope it's not in the next two years...
Seriously, I need some medication. That...or just a sign from God...that it's all good...and that I can stop worrying about the world ending in a couple of years....in addition, just reassuring me that I'm not going to die anytime soon either...or my kids...or my family. I should probably just work on the medication part for the time being =)
And P.S. I KNOW that I am a crazy person with sometimes irrational fears (though they are totally rational to me)...God himself knows I am a crazy person...I just hope I don't pass on my crazy to my kids.
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