Juliana's always been impossibly smart. Future forward thinking and literally comes up with ideas that I would have never thought of. When she wrote this though, it resonated with me. Lately I've been thinking that Ayris just might not get a sister afterall. Once I found out this little man was in fact, a boy, I had already made up my mind that we'd try for number 5, four to five years from now. But the more I think about it, the more I think 4 will be enough. Obviously I can't speak for what the next four years hold but I do know that when I recently went to McDonalds to rent from Redbox, I found myself envious of all the teenagers that were there just hanging out. It reminded me of my high school days when there weren't any real plans...you could just hang out all summer and do whatever you wanted (whenever you weren't working that part time job that is)...I was telling Chris when I got home that night that I missed just being able to jump up and go somewhere...wherever, whenever we wanted. I remember when we first started dating, we would go get groceries and then go back to the house...spend an hour cooking and then the rest of the night just hanging out and talking. Gone are the days of having a quiet meal followed by hours of conversation =) And I'm not complaining but I am trying to be realistic about the future...and if I'm having another kid 5 years from now, that prolongs the extra time that we could have reconnecting, when the kids get a little older and are more self sufficient. But, this brings me back to Juliana's quote...it IS easy for me to rely heavily on my memories of the past when I could do as I pleased, but honestly, if given the chance now, I don't think I'd know what to do with myself after a few days. What's that about the grass always being greener??...So I may envy the teenagers who seem to have all the freedoms in the world but what they don't have is the unconditional love and adoration of three, soon to be four, little people at their feet.
As I was rocking Adler tonight, I was thinking about how crazy he drives me on a day to day basis. It irritates me to no end that he cries all day, everyday unless I am giving him 100% of my attention. Neither Ayris nor Ash were ever like that. I just get so frustrated not being able to accomplish anything (like yesterday when I thought for sure I could paint an entire bathroom while he took his afternoon nap...yeah, after about 45 minutes, he woke up and the next two hours were either spent listening to him cry OR trying to paint while I held him on my hip...it was super awesome...and I was super cranky by the end of the day =), but then I remembered something someone said about their very needy baby, "At times it is, yes, frustrating; but still amazing that I have what she needs--that my child's greatest distress is comforted simply by my presence." And tonight as I rocked Adler, I remembered that. Instead of letting my patience be worn to a tattered thread, I should be overjoyed at the fact that he wants and needs me as much as he does...because one day, I won't have that =( Still, at times, it CAN be overwhelming, because quite frankly, he's a completely different child with Chris...and Chris knows it. He's Mr. Independent when Chris is on duty, with hardly a need in sight...but as soon as mama returns, the world is falling apart if he's not literally attached to me. At this point, I'm torn...part of me feels like I need to give in to his every demand...and hold him close for the next three months...but the other part of me feels like I need to encourage his independence from me, otherwise, the transition in having a new baby might be overly difficult for him??? Yet another dilemma in parenting!
While I'm on the subject of parenting, I got a lot of comments on my last post...reassuring me that yelling is normal with this many kids, or not to be too hard on myself...or questioning why I'm striving for perfection, etc, etc...I realize all of the above...I know I'm not the only mother who loses her patience and for the most part, I think I'm a decent mom, but I do feel like if I don't continually question what I could be doing better as a parent, that I'd just be settling...I don't want to just be an "okay mom"...if I'm going to have 4 children, and stay at home with them, I want to improve upon my downfalls...and look at all of my mistakes as opportunities to learn and do better by them...so that in the future, I can be proud of my accomplishments as their mother...and hopefully will have been a good example for them when it comes time for them to begin their own parenting journey. I digress.
I haven't talked about baby #4 much because honestly, this pregnancy is flying by...with Adler being the handful that he is, I'm not even giving much thought to the whole thing this time around except for when this little man starts moving around or has the hiccups. BUT I did have my glucose test last week and passed it--yea for no gestational diabetes! I'm pretty sure I'd be a miserable pregnant woman if I had to cut out sugar and carbs. Also, I was measuring 21 weeks instead of 24 weeks and I was so excited to hear that because my initial thought was "Well good...maybe this baby will actually be small!"...then I get home and tell Chris about it and he says "Oh, so does that he might be late then? Like your due date is off?"...um say what?!? I'm not carrying this baby any longer than 40 weeks so the dates better not be off! (I know the dates aren't off...the ultrasound actually showed me at a week earlier than when I was due)...still, it's funny how different our thought processes were on the matter =)
Other things to note about this pregnancy...I won't be surprised if this child comes out with a 6 pack of root beer when he's born. I've NEVER had cravings with any pregnancy...and I'm not even sure that I'd call this a craving but I do know I've been drinking a lot of root beer AND I've not even been waiting for a sale...I've been spending like 3 bucks on 6 bottles of root beer...and many of you may recall...I made Chris wait for like a month to get him more diet pepsi max because I knew that the memorial day sale would have the 12 packs priced at 1.50...so that's just how hypocritical I am.
ALSO, for whatever reason, I am obsessed with blue and white stripes lately. I bought two blue and white striped towels at Target for 12 bucks the other day and that subsequently led to a $100 bathroom makeover...paint, rugs, candles, more towels, etc...and I'm not even done yet...pretty sure I'm going to paint the woodwork white now because I don't like the natural wood paneling against the light blue walls. I'm also wanting the entire house painted before the baby comes. I called Chris last week and was like "Yeah, so I want you to do something that you're not going to be too excited about"...his response "What do you want me to paint???" ...he knew exactly where I was going with this. I will paint the whole house myself but I need him to paint the living room...we have like 50 foot ceilings and I wasn't too excited to be up that high when we painted it the first time...there's no way in h*ll I'm getting up on a ladder while I'm pregnant...so that job will have to be passed on to Chris. In my defense, I don't know why he really cares when I want to paint...I never ask for his help...he told me the other day though that our house is getting smaller because of all the paint I've put on the walls...ha ha ha...he's so funny =/ Seriously, guys just don't know what a difference a can of paint can make! And like I told him...he's hardly here...I live in this house 24/7 and need a change of scenary from time to time...luckily, I have a great guy that is willing to support my neurotic tendancies regardless of whether he thinks they are necessary or not =P
Finally, I should probably post some pictures as it's been a while...here are a few from my trip to OK:
And here are a few of Adler rockin' the Huggies jean diaper...
Here's Ayris on her last day of school with the 4 plants we put in pots for her teachers...
And her happy sun...too bad he's hardly here in MN. She might as well just color snow all over the ground since it's going to be back in a few months.
A handful of the pics I pulled from my phone...
LOVE this picture of Adler. He could have been the prettiest girl baby ever with those squishy cheeks and long eyelashes (not that girls ever get the long eyelashes like boys!)
One of Ayris' drawings of her and I when we had our most recent mommy/daughter hotel stay...
Adler being all chill in his sleep...
Here are the towels that I was saying caused me to do a total makeover on the bathroom...and guess what people...the 12 bucks I spent on them...yeah, they're now 4 bucks a piece at Target AND there's a dollar off coupon--UGH. They are coming through looking more black but they're a navy blue...
And here's what I mean about the wood paneling...don't you think this lighter grain wood just ruins the room? That's why I'm thinking they need to be white....
And I mentioned my blue and white stripe phase right now...pretty sure I'd buy this boat if we had the money and a place to store it SOLELY for the fact that it's blue and white striped.
While Ayris was spending the week with Grandma Callie, I thought I'd take the boys out to get some pictures...yeah, not so much. If I haven't mentioned it here already, Adler is a little weird when it comes to grass...he flips out when you put him on it. So he was not happy when I was trying to get these. The kid also has a recent aversion to water...he hates baths now and will not step foot in the kiddie pool without screaming his head off.
Asher being Asher...
And that's all I have for now =) Tomorrow I'm going in for an elective ultrasound of baby #4...I'm going to have two ultrasounds done (one now at 25 weeks and one later, probably closer to 35 weeks or so) and then a newborn shoot once he's born...I'll get a bunch of 4D pictures and two 30 minute videos of the little man doing his thing on the inside. I'll see if I can figure out how to post that later!
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