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Ayris likes this girl and wanted me to put her on the blog...



It's incredible to think she can do all of that just with her own voice!

My two batkids...

Sassypants...

So I'm laying in Ayris' bed last night and she's just being snappy and bossy:

Mommy: From now on, I'm changing your name...your new name is Sassypants Collins
Ayris: (Screaming) MY NAME IS NOT SASSYPANTS!!! YOUR NAME IS SASSYPANTS!!!
Mommy: I'm not being sassy, I'm being calm. You're the one who isn't being very nice.
Ayris: I AM BEING NICE, NOW TELL ME A STORY!!!
Mommy: No sassypants, not until you calm down.
Ayris: MY NAME IS NOT SASSYPANTS, IT'S COMB...
Mommy: You're name is Comb? I don't think that's a good name for you.
Ayris: WELL YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH IT!!

I had to think for a few minutes but then realized that Comb must've been when I said I was being CALM...she wanted me to be sassypants and her to be Comb=Calm. She decided her new name would be Comb Carly Collins Ayrispants.

Chris has had this whole week off and today he decided to take the kids to the zoo...while he was in the shower I was getting the kids dressed when Ayris decided to go through Asher's drawers. When I showed her the clothes I had picked out for her, she told me that she didn't want to be a girl today, she wanted to be handsome...boys clothes=handsome.

My haircut brings all the girls to the yard...

So who is that hip little guy with his rockin new haircut?

It's Asher!

Instead of getting a "faux hawk" like we've done the past two times, I decided to shave the sides and make it a REAL one.

Asher giving his momma some love for his kick*ss new do that all the girls and their daddies are crazy about (the dads seem to think it's really cool...haven't gotten as many comments from the moms...which I think is odd since I was the one all about the Mohawk and not Chris...although he approves just in case you were wondering...it's pretty difficult for this kid to be anything but cute).

Me and my mama's boy...which is fine because Ayris is proving to be quite the daddy's girl lately...I guess we're 1 for 1...for now =)

Something I just overheard Ayris telling Chris

Just to set the scene up, our cat Sophie was peeing on our bed repeatedly, (like 6 bed changes, a thrown out featherbed and a down comforter along with a cuddlebed that's waiting to be taken to the cleaners because of her mess) so $250 later (the vet bill along with meds and another electronic litterbox~and yes, I said electronic litterbox...we are some lazy people and spending $90 on a litterbox that ultimately cleans itself is pretty much right up our alley) we have a cat that won't take her meds and that is being forced to live in the laundry room. The vet said to keep her in the laundry room (which is about as big as a shoebox) for two whole weeks...to me that is insane and complete entrapment...so I've been letting her stay in the garage for a good chunk of the day and then at night we've been putting her in the downstairs bathroom (because I can put a night light in there for her (unlike the laundry room) and surprisingly it seems to have more circulation...also, it's just a change of scenery...OH, AND she makes some noises that I don't like to hear at night)...so long story short, Ayris has been "visiting" her in the bathroom...Chris has made a makeshift litter box for his bathroom (as to not have to buy a 3rd electronic litterbox!)...Ayris had just gotten done with visitation and came out saying this:

Ayris: Daddy, Daddy! Guess what!!!
Daddy: What?
Ayris: Sophie pooped in her litterbox that you made her!!
Daddy: That's gre---
Ayris: (cutting him off) and I wiped her butt for her when she was done!!

Ummm....gross. The things that make sense in a child's mind. We wipe her butt so that must mean cats get their butts wiped too. The only thing that worries me, is what my child is doing that she's NOT telling us about? I mean honestly, had no one been around for her to explain her good news to, we'd have been unaware that the tiny fingers that were now feeding us apples or squishing our face to get our attention had been digging around in the cats butt.

Saving a little money...

So, this was my first attempt at "CVS-ing" and I got all of this for 4 bucks:

So most of it is gum but I was trying to meet my $20 limit so I was reaching but I still think this was a good deal considering the Dry Idea alone would have been over 4 bucks...I know, right...who would pay more than like .99 cents for that deodorant...I didn't even know they still made it...but hey, when I got it for free AND made a profit, why wouldn't I buy it...if anything, the kids can have fun with it.

I also got a bunch of good deals at Rainbow and Target today...there are however, two very annoying things about couponing...first off, last week, I got chicken for .99. The Gold N Plump chicken that I get is normally 5.49/5.99 a package...well it was on sale for 3.49 and I had a Target coupon worth $1 and a manufacturer's coupons worth 1.50 so the chicken came to .99 cents after the coupons...this week, it went up to 4.49 making it 1.99 with my coupons...so my problem is that I really don't care to pay anymore than .99-1.99 for chicken anymore...I always hated paying close to 6 bucks as it was for 3 pieces of boneless chicken. It seemed like a ripoff...but now that I've gotten it for so cheap, anything is going to seem like a ripoff...even when it's on sale for 3.49...because eventually, my coupons will expire =)

The second annoying thing is how dedicated some employees are. I'll use the chicken as an example. I went to Target in Lakeville this morning and bought 7 packages of chicken...I used all 7 $1 off coupons and 7 $1.50 off coupons...no problem...I ended up going back to Target (this time the Apple Valley location) because the dumb cashier didn't give me all of my coupons...he got confused and started ringing coupons he'd already scanned, etc...so while I was at Apple Valley Target getting my money back I decided I might as well get more chicken because the 15 packages I have sitting in my freezer from the past two weeks just wasn't enough...I pick up 4 more packages and was too tired to scope out the cashiers (I normally pick a line that has some young person who I feel won't care too much about the coupons I'm using) so I end up in this old woman's line and she informs me that I can only use one Target coupon for the chicken...it's a one item per transaction deal...REALLY? First off, I hadn't bothered to read the fine print but the past two weeks I have had no problems getting 7 packages at a time and being able to use all the coupons...I've also been scoring free Bliss candy bars this exact same way but she informed me I was only allowed to purchase one of those as well...long story short, my second annoyance are the people who care that much. Honestly, do you want me to get back in line 4 different times so it is considered 4 different transactions? Or would you prefer me drive to 4 separate Targets in the area? At most this woman is getting paid 8 bucks an hour...why does she care? Perhaps she has one item per transaction morals that I lack? Perhaps that is a good thing in some people's minds but not mine...in this economy, I'm not worried about the big corporations, Target usually accounts for at least $500 a month in our spending so I don't think 4 packages of $1.99 chicken should be such an issue...help a mami out already =)

A few things Ayris has said lately...

On the way to pick up a friend for lunch Ayris randomly started sharing her thoughts with me...actually, she had been sharing them for the entire 25 minute drive but it was at this point that I started actually listening:

Ayris: ....so that's why I'm just going to have two kids.
Mommy: Huh, what did you just say?
Ayris: that I'm just going to have two kids.
Mommy: Why are you only having two kids?
Ayris: Because we have to leave some kids for the other mommies silly!

Well duh...I should have known. Babies must come from baby farms...and we'd hate for them to go out of stock if Ayris took more than her share!

THEN, after we had dropped my friend back at work, Ayris decided she was thirsty so I handed her my water bottle...about thirty seconds later she told me to stop being so bumpy because she was having a hard time drinking.

After drinking half a bottle of water she then proclaimed that pizza and water makes a girl unable to smile or be happy...funny...Pizza has never had that effect on me...it's usually the opposite!

Asher and his ever expanding vocabulary has started something new. He'll repeat pretty much any word that you throw at him with the exception of Ayris because his sister's name is hard BUT anytime you ask him to say "love you", his response is ALWAYS "Bye bye!"

Love you,
Bye Bye!

Something my husband just said to me not two minutes ago...

Me: Do you know what I want to get that I've noticed makes other houses look better?
Chris: A maid?

Such...a...funny...guy...

The correct answer was a screen door.

Hardee's is my new McDonalds...

Okay, so I had planned on blogging about this yesterday but time got away from me. I'm still riding on my Hardee's high though and wanted to share.

I had been craving Hardee's cinnamon n' raisin biscuits since the weekend...matter of fact, I even drove there over the weekend all to realize I didn't have my wallet on me. The sucky thing about Hardee's is that it's 30 minutes away but yesterday, I decided that I needed to fulfill my original goal of getting those biscuits...so I loaded the kids up and off we went.

I should mention that I'm "on a diet." My husband might tell you that my being on a diet is about as successful as him waking up early. (He often claims he's going to just put off doing work at night because he's going to "wake up early" and get it done...in his defense, if it's super important, he will make it happen but more often than not, they are just good intentions...he's not a morning person if he doesn't have to be...) So back to my diet...on the drive there, I'm telling myself that I'm ONLY going to get two biscuits...because I looked up the calories and it would only be 560 calories with 24 grams of fat...that didn't sound half bad to me considering if I got my usual McDonalds meal, it'd be well over a thousand...so I'm telling myself I'm just going to get those...and I'll get the kids some chicken and fries. Seemingly, this drive is lasting F-O-R-E-V-E-R...like how far is Faribault anyway? Pretty damn far when you've been craving some cinnamon n' raisin biscuits for 5 days...so we finally get there and Ayris wants to eat inside...this seems feasible considering they've both been behaving for the past 30 minutes...once we get inside, it plays out a little differently than it had in my head:

Worker: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I'll take a chicken strip kids meal with the fries and a coke and then...hmm...well what's the difference between your Little Thickburger and your 1/3 pound cheeseburger cuz they look the same in the picture?

I must say, at this point, I am ONLY getting some type of burger and my two biscuits.

Worker: Oh, they are actually the same thing...have all the same fixin's but one is 1/4 pounder and one is a 1/3 pounder.
Me: Mmmm....Okkkaaaayyyy...I'll have the Little Thickburger.
Worker: Did you want the combo meal?
Me: SURE!

I mean, really, I did get the SMALLER burger so that made up the difference for the fries and a coke...it's logical right?

Me: OH! And two of your cinnamon n' raisin biscuits please! =)

Seriously though, after an hour long drive, I probably burned it all off right? And when you count the other hour I wasted on Saturday, that's two hours of drive time I put into that Hardee's meal.

It was worth it though...I'm half considering moving to Faribault just so I can have a Hardees close by.

I'm trying harder...

So remember how I said that I thought taking my children to the park meant that I was a good mother? Well by the looks of things, I'm shaping up to be a better mother than I thought:

Asher is in love with picking dandelions...actually both children are...

Ayris converting a twig into a tree...

You might notice that they are wearing two different outfits which means that they went to the park on separate occasions...to be exact, I took them three whole times but one of those times, I didn't bring my camera with. Actually, I can't give myself too much credit because this park is closer than the "swing park"...I think Ayris prefers the swing park but that's the one that has the substantial fall inducing plaything along with the longer trek...so she's decided going to A park is better than not going at all =) Not to mention, this park has rocks and Asher likes to dig like a dog.

Does God have a flashlight?

So, Ayris, Asher and I were driving home from dropping my mom off at the airport and out of nowhere, Ayris asks:

Ayris: Does God have a flashlight?
Mommy: I'm sure he does, why?
Ayris: Well because when I die, I don't want to be alone in the dark.
Mommy: What makes you think you'll be alone in the dark when you die?
Ayris: Because when I die, you and daddy won't be with me and I'll be all alone.

That was pretty much the end of the conversation but I thought it was interesting that she associated being alone with darkness . And then was curious enough to ask if God would have a flashlight for her. Such an inquisitive girl (which by the way, is the word my 3rd grade teacher used to describe me)!

Random things...

Last night Ayris was telling Chris about her suckers that she had gotten...when he asked her where she got them, she told him: The blue Target.

In case you're wondering...the blue Target is Walmart. We rarely go to Walmart but I had some coupons that would make a few items free there so we went...apparently it's like Target but blue. I was impressed that she obviously noticed the difference between the colors of the two stores.

Another thing that made me smile happened today when Ayris asked if she could put some of my makeup on (generally she doesn't ask but the last time she sneaked into it, I told her she needed to ask the next time she wanted to play with it so I could at least supervise)...so obviously I was surprised that she even listened in the first place by asking but then when I told her it would have to wait until her brother went down for a nap, she responded "I understand."

Seriously? Where is my daughter Ayris? Actually, I don't care...I prefer this new girl who obeys and understands my reasoning at the same time.

The last thing I wanted to note is my wish for the week. I wish that car companies would start making SUV's with the optional roll up window/seperator...you know those things they have in limos that block off the drivers section from the back of the car? I'm not sure what it is with my children lately but they scream loudly every time we get in the car now. It's absolutely driving me crazy. There's nothing worse then being trapped in a car with two screaming children that you can't turn off. And I was thinking about the poor third child that will eventually be brought into the world. Gone are her chances of ever being able to sleep in the car like her eldest siblings were fortunate enough to do...her brother and sister will be wildly exclaiming their presence at every moment possible. The more I think about it though, I question how much I'll even venture out with three kids.

This blog is making me look better than I really am!

So I had an email from my dear friend Diane who had sent me a video. When I opened it, I discovered that I was an american icon =) I'll post the link below. It's a great way to let other moms know how appreciated they are for all that they do. Thanks Diane! Love, M.

news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=YvfOP1FukV_uEMQcFIYiXzUyMDc4&referred_by=16099107-7CJA8jx&p=moveon

The face of evil...I kid, I kid...sorta.

I thought I'd share some pictures to go along with my daughters personality that I've been talking about lately: Doesn't it just look like she wants to hurt me?

In this picture, it actually looks like she's devised her plan and is ready to put it into action.

Daddy to the rescue...

to turn that frown, upside down...

The pink hair really adds to her shining personality lately. I picked the color up for 75% off at Walmart after halloween last year. The kids enjoyed getting their hair sprayed but now that the color has washed out, there's remnants all over their scalps.

Mamapedia...not advanced enough for my inquiries

So I happened to stumble upon a new site: Mamapedia. Yeah, it's like Wikopedia for moms. So if you're 3 month old baby won't stop crying at night, you log onto your computer and type in "3 month old won't stop crying at night" and then undoubtedly, you'll get thousands of responses from other mothers who had the same problem.

Surprisingly, I've decided this site has nothing to offer me. I need something more along the lines of an ethical/moral google site because my questions were turning up nada...

First question: "Is it normal to want to slap my three year old daughter?"

First option answer is titled: 6 year old with pain at belly button.

Yeah, that's totally the same and is exactly what I was hoping to read up on.

Second question: Exactly how many hours a day is acceptable for locking my daughter in her room?

Answer: Help! My daughter is too smart for her own good.

While this is true, it doesn't really answer my question. I'm genuinely curious about the exact amount of time I can stow her away before it becomes "illegal?"

Third question: Should I send my 3 year old daughter to live with her grandmother?

Answer 1: Colic.

Um, is colic generally an issue with 3 year olds?

Answer 2: How do I explain great grandpa's death?

Seriously!?! Apparently great grandfathers/grandmothers are one in the same and life and death...well those are basically the same too...semantics right?

Fourth question: Why are girls so psycho?

Answer: When to stop breastfeeding.

FINALLY, this site is proving to be of some use. I only breastfed Ayris for like a minute. So I'm deducing that in stopping too early, it encouraged a woman's tendancies for psychosis to take effect all too early in my little girl...that must be it.

Fifth question: Although I would have strongly disagreed before having children, boys really ARE better than girls.

Answer: Apparently this wasn't a question...just my subconscious attempt to share my newfound knowledge on the sexes with all that is mamapedia.

As not to leave Asher out, I decided to ask a question on his behalf:

"Is it normal for my 19 month old son to suck on rocks?"

Answer: No articles found.

Really?!? My child is the only one to suck on rocks in the history of children?

Thank you mamapedia for all the wisdom you have given me. You have reconfirmed my beliefs that my children truly are special.

***I do want to note that Ayris is a good girl. She's just going through a difficult time, which is in turn making my life a smidge more difficult, but this too shall pass. OH, and boys really aren't better than girls...they're just proving to be easier at this point.

A little less Jack Nicholson, a little more Rod Stewart

Asher wants to be a dog...

This weekend Chris was playing with Asher. He started throwing this little foam ball and when Asher went to get it, he started doing this:



This was on a seperate occasion when we took the kids to the zoo and he started playing in the sand...

Don't we all wish our kids could become recording artists and then sing about how wonderful we were as parents?

I don't know much about Taylor Swift except for that she seems like a girl I'd be okay with my daughter getting all excited over. She seems to be extremely grounded and by the looks of her latest song/video, her mom had a lot to do with that. Here's hoping that I do a good enough job that my children will feel the same way about me when they're teenagers.