Ayris asked me to tell her a bedtime story last night so I told her I would, but that it would be a quick one because I was really tired. I decided that since I SUCK so much at making up bedtime stories even when I'm not tired, I would just borrow off of the theme from Rapunzel...
"Once upon a time, there was a girl. She did something bad...so her parents locked her in a tower. She stayed in the tower for 20 years with only birds for her friends. In that time, her hair grew really, really long. One day, she decided that she could tie her hair to something in the tower and then use it as a rope to climb down...and so she did, but once she got down there, she realized that she had no way of untying her hair at the top of the tower so she could be free. So she spent the next 14 days pulling her hairs out one by one until she had a great idea...she could climb back up the tower, get a pair of scissors and then climb back down and cut her hair...and so she did. Finally she was free! But she was lost...so she started walking and eventually found a house. She knocked on the door and an old woman answered. She told her she was lost and asked if she could stay the night."
I told Ayris that we could continue part two the next night. She had never heard of ending a story without finishing it but I convinced her that it was fine because I really needed to go to bed and that it would give me more time to come up with the second part.
So first thing, bright and early, Ayris comes bouncing downstairs asking me to finish the story. What?!? I thought I had until tonight?? No, she wants it now...so without having any time to construct a solid second half, I jump right in:
"So the girl wakes up in the morning and the old woman asks what her name is. She tells the woman she doesn't know because she was so young when her parents locked her in the tower. Well luckily, the woman has a computer, and the internet so she goes online to see if she can find some information. She finds out that the girls name is Sarah Connor. AND when she was just 3 years old, there was a guy going around kidnapping little kids from their houses, so her parents decided to put her in this faraway tower to keep her safe. They had planned to come back to her when they had caught the guy, but they ended up getting into a car accident and dying. So see Ayris, they really did love her...they were just trying to protect her by locking her in that castle. And the only reason they didn't come back for her was because they died."
Ayris: So what happened to the old woman, did she die too?
Me: Well yeah, eventually, and then Sarah got to keep her house.
At which point, Asher wants to tell his Spiderman story...so he does. When he's finished, Ayris wants to tell her story.
She tells the EXACT same story (at which point, I realize that I should have just said that a bad guy was taking kids in that town...not that he was breaking into homes! I want her to feel safe in her house) except from what I can tell, Santa is the bad guy and parents totally want to forget their children when they're teenagers (I can see her point here). When she gets to the part about the guy taking kids, she said that he goes into their house through the chimney and then he puts the little kids in his bag and leaves back through the chimney (sounds like Santa right?) and then instead of dying in a car accident, the parents move to MN (because apparently Sarah...I mean "Beautiful"...she changed the girls name too, is from Texas...) so at the end of the story, Beautiful walks from the rainforest in Texas (which is where her tower was) to MN to find her parents who live in house number 16. When Beautiful finds her parents, they ask how she found them. (Like they didn't want to be found?? I don't know.)
Me: So, why did Beautiful's parents move to MN if they knew she was in the tower?
Ayris: Because they COMPLETELY forgot about her!
Me: Do you really think a parent could forget about their child??
Ayris; She wasn't a child. She was a teenager.
Me: So you think parents can forget about their teenagers then?
Ayris: Yeah, cause by then they're old enough to take care of themselves. At least they are if they're as big as their mommy by then.
So moral of the story...I shouldn't be telling stories! I can see Ayris now retelling this story at school. And I never said I was the master of storytelling. That was not, nor will ever be on my mom resume. I tell the kids that I suck at telling stories and they still want me to do it. And normally, at the end of them, Ayris will tell me that it wasn't a good story. Well no kidding! I told you I wasn't good at telling stories! And then the story above...well I'm sure that could be viewed as horrible storytelling...horrible plot holes (how in the world did the old woman find out the girls name and that her parents stuck her in a tower, because if that was common knowledge, wouldn't someone have rescued her??), not to mention, most parents probably wouldn't add guys stealing children and parents dying in car accidents BUT aside from the part about taking the kids from their homes, I probably would have left those two parts in because 1) Why else would someone be stuck in a tower unless they were being protected from something (the bad guy)...it seems cruel otherwise!, 2) I don't hide from my kids that there are bad things in the world...bad people, bad accidents, etc. They need to know that the world isn't all good...and that if they run away from me in the store, someone could take them...or if they don't wear their seat belts and we get into an accident, they could die (this is a big one because none of the children want to wear their seat belts...)...if they run out into the street without looking, they could get hit...they're not invincible just because they're 3 and 4...if anything, they're more susceptible because they don't know any better without being taught...so in that respect, I feel like the above story is acceptable...just not the part about the guy coming into the house, because the point isn't to make my children fearful...just aware and knowledgeable.
Anyway, just thought I'd write that one down. I figure when the kids are older and complaining about how horrible I am and how many faults I have, I can just direct them here and tell them I've been documenting my faults the whole time...and that having a curfew of "when it gets dark outside" (so like 9:30 or so in the summer and 5 or so in the winter??) and not getting their licenses until their 18 (I'd go older but apparently I have no control after that age!) isn't my being mean or at fault...it's my protecting them...and in essence, I think those restrictions are far more lenient than being locked in a tower...which I would TOTALLY be willing to do if I had one nearby. Perhaps I will just add that onto my already ridiculous list of things that must be met before buying another house (no attic, 8+ft tall fence with no gate so that no one can enter (Chris also mentioned that we couldn't exit either but I'm fine with that), no ponds or lakes or forest full of trees anywhere behind/near our house, preferably not three stories...less points of entry that way...all rooms must be on the second level (it's quite difficult to find a house with 5/6 bedrooms on the second floor!)...anyway, the list goes on and on...so much so that Chris says even once we can afford to move out, we'll never be able to find this house because it doesn't exist =) Don't you people wonder how I'm going to raise 4/5 children with all this crazy that's in my head? I try to keep the crazy from them as much as possible and think I'm doing a pretty good job of it so far =)
Okay, on to other stuff. Adler has some kind of head cold...he's stuffed up and at the same time, has a runny nose...he HATES it when I go near him with the saline nose drops and nose aspirator...he freaks out and starts screaming bloody murder...so I decided to go online and see if there were any other options for congestion...this is an excerpt from the homeopathic site (www.pollywogbaby.com):
"Once you have used saline spray don't be tempted to use a baby nasal syringe. The suction these provide, as well as the rubbing of the syringe itself on the nasal membranes, can be irritating which in turn can cause even more inflammation and worsen or prolong the congestion."
"An old fashioned way to clean out infant nasal congestion was to gently suck the mucus out by placing your mouth over the nostrils. If you do try this method be sure to suck only very gently and for only a few seconds at a time so your baby can breathe, keeping in mind that he can only breathe through his mouth."
So, they want me to literally suck the snot out of my baby's nose with my mouth??? Gross. I can see how this might have been helpful in the dark ages before bulb syringes but seriously? What is the difference between the suction from a bulb syringe and my mouth? Last time I checked, it's not like a bulb syringe had the capability to go all Hoover like and suction at 12 amps per squeeze. I love my baby ALOT but I'm pretty sure, I feel completely fine with using a syringe if necessary. We can just add this to the list of horrible things I do as a mother:
Bad storyteller: Check!
Uses Bulb Syringe: Check!
Hates to go out into the snow and secludes self and children in the house all winter long: Check!
ACTUALLY, I must say, I went out and played in the snow for a good 30 minutes the other day and it wasn't that horrible. There's something about being able to throw big balls of snow at my children that makes me feel better about the whole thing. I kid, I kid. It was fun...but it wasn't that cold out which made a difference. None the less, I felt pretty rockstar...I felt cool...basically I felt like the daddy!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Day In The Life Of Adler...And Part Two Of Why It's A Good Idea To Never Leave Your House...
So I went to a Woman's Holiday Dinner with my mother this past Friday at our church and it was there that I learned we'd be having some snow this weekend (I do not watch the news...I would be in a depressed stupor every day of my life if I constantly had to hear about people being murdered or dying in car crashes...falling out of windows, a kidnapping and whatever else they talk about...the Vikings or 8 inches of snow...it doesn't matter...none of it appeals to me)...(before I get back to what I was saying, there is a tiny ant that I just noticed out of the corner of my eye crawling across my laptop screen. Two things...first, I'm wondering if he's confused by the bright white light that he is traveling on and 2) Why is there an ant in my bed yet again?? If you remember back to the Crawl Into My Uterus post, there were two ants that had joined me in bed that evening...I'm not even in the same bed currently. The only thing that is consistent with both occasions is that there is a cat right next to me!! Chris, I SWEAR it IS the cats giving rides to ants up onto the bed. Nothing else makes sense! Furthermore, isn't it winter now? Aren't the ants supposed to disappear now until spring?? Or are they little winter warriors who are going to be hanging around for the long haul? I thought the ant was gone but I now see that he is making his way towards my chest (it's dark in here so I can only see as far as the laptop light allows)...anyway, he's been thrown onto the floor...back to what I was saying...so they mentioned at the holiday dinner about keeping an attitude of gratitude and that this weekend, in all of it's snow glory, would be a perfect opportunity to try and muster up some gratitude in an otherwise crappy snow situation. Well I woke up on Saturday and looked out the window...feeling miserable and slightly betrayed at the fact that the snow had actually fallen before February (which is how it was going to play out in my dream world)...I'm not kidding, I was actually surprised that we had snow. As though, I wasn't living in MN or something?? Anyway, later in the day, as I was driving Ayris over to spend the night at my mother's house I saw this girl trudging through the snow and I realized what I was grateful for in that moment...I was grateful that I had a car and didn't have to physically get out in this horrible weather. But I felt guilty passing her on the side of the road. THEN, not 5 blocks ahead, I see another girl carrying bags walking through the snow...at this point, I REALLY wanted to stop and pick this one up...her jeans were soaked all the way up from the snow, but I couldn't because I had Ayris in the car. I ended up seeing two more people walking out in that crap while I was out...the third person was old but he had no bags and for some reason, I got the feeling it was his decision to be taking a walk (because he was on a sidewalk for one and not the side of a road) and the last person was a kid...and well, kids, especially my own, seem to enjoy traipsing through the snow...so I didn't feel bad for him...ANYWAY, what I was getting at was that I REALLY wanted to stop and pick these people up. But I had Ayris in the car...and even if I didn't have Ayris in the car, I have to remember that even if I'm by myself, I do have three kids at home...what if these people are psycho? I'd like to believe they're probably not but still? But then I think, what about being a good samaritan? If that were me who didn't have a car...or who was just down on my luck for a little while, I'd want someone to offer me a ride. I think it would be really cool to just drive around for an entire day sometime offering rides to people who are walking along the side of the road (when the weather is horrible)...obviously I won't do that because it would be my luck that I'd get the psycho BUT this is just another reason why I think the best option is just to never leave the house ALL WINTER LONG because then, I won't have the opportunity for my heart to break every time I see someone walking in a foot of snow. I digress.
I figured for lack of something better to do, we could get a peek into a day in the life of Adler.
I usually wake up around 6-6:30 these days just to screw with my mom. I know it annoys her but I throw some smiles her way and she seems to be over it. After she's changed my diaper, I like to start my day by playing a few video games...mostly I just gnaw on the controller while my brother Asher does the real playing...
At any given time of the day, if mom needs to get something done, she throws me in this escape proof device along with a few random toys and a blanket...it's pretty cool because even though I'm stuck in it, when we go to different rooms in the house she zooms me around in it like a car...but my favorite is when she gives me a push from the top of the stairs in it...I don't always make it all the way down without falling out but so far, there haven't been too many injuries...
Mom finally decided that she'd take her lazy butt out to the garage to find the "baby toys" bin and when she brought all of my stuff in, I was the last person who got to play with it all! She should have specified that they were MY toys when she brought them out.
At some point, my mom likes to have little modeling sessions...I don't mind them because one day I'll need a porfolio to book modeling jobs and how many peoples' portfolio start at 5 months?? Yeah, that's an advantage I won't mind having...
Sometimes I like to start with a thumb in my mouth...it kind of calms me down and sets the mood...
But then I'm ready to bring out the big guns...mommy loves my smile...
You can't give it all away in the beginning though so I decide to pull back a bit...
And sometimes it's best to go for the pensive look:
And other times, you just gotta give it to them straight:
And sometimes, just sometimes, you see something really cool on the floor and it distracts you from the task at hand (but this doesn't happen very often)
And if I've been REALLY good, mom shoves me into a 3 month old duck outfit (when I am currently wearing a size 9-12 months) because "every other kid in the family wore this outfit" so that means that I have to have my picture taken in it too, even though she forgot to pull it out when I actually fit into it.
Just so you know, when my brother and sister wore this outfit, it wasn't skintight and 4 inches too short...
All things considered, I feel like I'm workin' this duck outfit pretty good...
Mom said she's been given a robe for every single kid she's had, which she thinks is funny because no child has ever just hung out in their robe...BUT she made sure to get a picture with all of them. When she tried my robe on, it was too small and my diaper was hanging out, so she put me in Asher's old robe...
Hot stuff right???
Yeah right, did you notice that was my brother Asher above? Mom threw that in there because people keep saying we're starting to look alike, personally, I don't see it...I'm WAY thinner...and of course got all the good looks, but don't tell mom or Asher because she's always telling him how cute he is and I'm pretty sure he believes her...but back to me...
Apparently the duck outfit wasn't the only thing that was too small...mom went through my drawers and pulled out a bunch of things I never wore before I outgrew them...this was apparently one of her favorite outfits on Asher when he was little...
Not to toot my own horn but seriously...
"Don't cha wish your baby was cute like me???"
"Don't cha wish your baby was a star like me??"
"Don't cha?"
US magazine would like to know...who wore it better? ME....
Or Asher????
Oh my goodness, that's so funny that you think I have a double chin...because I most certainly do not!
Back to playing some video games...that's what dad would want since he's working and all, and can't be here...it's a hard torch to carry, but I'm making him proud with my gaming skills...
So I'm a little distraught about the Cowboys this season...Dad says they're playing like...
Oh my goodness, must...push...this...out...
Mom, I have a surprise for you...it's in my pants!
Until next timepoopy pants Dallas Cowboys!
You try and make this super cute face...I betcha can't do it!
I made mom take like 1200 pictures before I actually smiled a tiny bit for her...
Serves her right for locking me in this monkey suit!
Apparently that is what I have to wear when we go outside in the snow...look there's room for one more kid on that sled! Maybe even two...
Ayris and her snowman...or snowbear?? I think she said it was a bear?
Anyway, after all of the video games, the modeling, the rides down the stairs, the pooping, etc...I like to end my day with a bath in the sink...and since mom obviously forgot to feed me today, I'm going to eat the water!
I figured for lack of something better to do, we could get a peek into a day in the life of Adler.
I usually wake up around 6-6:30 these days just to screw with my mom. I know it annoys her but I throw some smiles her way and she seems to be over it. After she's changed my diaper, I like to start my day by playing a few video games...mostly I just gnaw on the controller while my brother Asher does the real playing...
At any given time of the day, if mom needs to get something done, she throws me in this escape proof device along with a few random toys and a blanket...it's pretty cool because even though I'm stuck in it, when we go to different rooms in the house she zooms me around in it like a car...but my favorite is when she gives me a push from the top of the stairs in it...I don't always make it all the way down without falling out but so far, there haven't been too many injuries...
Mom finally decided that she'd take her lazy butt out to the garage to find the "baby toys" bin and when she brought all of my stuff in, I was the last person who got to play with it all! She should have specified that they were MY toys when she brought them out.
At some point, my mom likes to have little modeling sessions...I don't mind them because one day I'll need a porfolio to book modeling jobs and how many peoples' portfolio start at 5 months?? Yeah, that's an advantage I won't mind having...
Sometimes I like to start with a thumb in my mouth...it kind of calms me down and sets the mood...
But then I'm ready to bring out the big guns...mommy loves my smile...
You can't give it all away in the beginning though so I decide to pull back a bit...
And sometimes it's best to go for the pensive look:
And other times, you just gotta give it to them straight:
And sometimes, just sometimes, you see something really cool on the floor and it distracts you from the task at hand (but this doesn't happen very often)
And if I've been REALLY good, mom shoves me into a 3 month old duck outfit (when I am currently wearing a size 9-12 months) because "every other kid in the family wore this outfit" so that means that I have to have my picture taken in it too, even though she forgot to pull it out when I actually fit into it.
Just so you know, when my brother and sister wore this outfit, it wasn't skintight and 4 inches too short...
All things considered, I feel like I'm workin' this duck outfit pretty good...
Mom said she's been given a robe for every single kid she's had, which she thinks is funny because no child has ever just hung out in their robe...BUT she made sure to get a picture with all of them. When she tried my robe on, it was too small and my diaper was hanging out, so she put me in Asher's old robe...
Hot stuff right???
Yeah right, did you notice that was my brother Asher above? Mom threw that in there because people keep saying we're starting to look alike, personally, I don't see it...I'm WAY thinner...and of course got all the good looks, but don't tell mom or Asher because she's always telling him how cute he is and I'm pretty sure he believes her...but back to me...
Apparently the duck outfit wasn't the only thing that was too small...mom went through my drawers and pulled out a bunch of things I never wore before I outgrew them...this was apparently one of her favorite outfits on Asher when he was little...
Not to toot my own horn but seriously...
"Don't cha wish your baby was cute like me???"
"Don't cha wish your baby was a star like me??"
"Don't cha?"
US magazine would like to know...who wore it better? ME....
Or Asher????
Oh my goodness, that's so funny that you think I have a double chin...because I most certainly do not!
Back to playing some video games...that's what dad would want since he's working and all, and can't be here...it's a hard torch to carry, but I'm making him proud with my gaming skills...
So I'm a little distraught about the Cowboys this season...Dad says they're playing like...
Oh my goodness, must...push...this...out...
Mom, I have a surprise for you...it's in my pants!
Until next time
You try and make this super cute face...I betcha can't do it!
I made mom take like 1200 pictures before I actually smiled a tiny bit for her...
Serves her right for locking me in this monkey suit!
Apparently that is what I have to wear when we go outside in the snow...look there's room for one more kid on that sled! Maybe even two...
Ayris and her snowman...or snowbear?? I think she said it was a bear?
Anyway, after all of the video games, the modeling, the rides down the stairs, the pooping, etc...I like to end my day with a bath in the sink...and since mom obviously forgot to feed me today, I'm going to eat the water!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Brain FAIL...And An Introduction to Chris' Blog...
I have decided that my brain is punishing me at night...during the day, it lures me with it's occasional wit, common sense and compassion, but at night...it turns into this evil genius that won't let me sleep. Here was the scenario last night/this morning:
3:57 a.m.
Brain: Hey, wake up...your baby is crying.
Me: Shut up. It's not my night. It's Chris', hence the earplugs in my ears.
Brain: He's still crying. Get up. You have to pee anyway.
Me: Seriously, leave me alone. It's my night tomorrow...I'll get up with him then.
Brain: What kind of mom are you?
Me: OMGOSH FINE! Quit begging. I'll get up. Just shut up about it.
Brain: See! That didn't take long. Now let's talk! Let's play! Let's start thinking about the day ahead of us!
Me: Let's not. That day isn't for another...(checks phone) 2.5 hours...
Brain: Okay, let's think about yesterday! That women's holiday dinner was nice huh? Wonder if it's snowing out? Are you going to be grateful even if you wake up tomorrow/I mean today, and there's 8 inches of snow on the ground???? Huh, huh, huh? Are ya?
Me: Please stop talking to me.
Brain: I bet you're gonna be mad if you can't go out and see your movie tomorrow because of the snow.
Me: Oh, I'm gonna go see my movie. I have to go to Target too...I promised Ayris a pink lizard...and I need to get them some pillow pets too...Oh, and that Ramona and Beezus movie...that'll be a good one for Ayris.
Me: OH MY GOODNESS! You're totally keeping me awake!
After another 45 minutes of tossing and turning while trying to shut my brain up, I finally fall back to sleep. And I have this awesome dream where I wake up in bed and a little baby lizard is eating a tiny snake right beside me...what the heck...I jump up...and more snakes start appearing...they're so small they're more like tiny worms...before I know it, my entire bedroom is covered in wormy snake things...all over the walls and the floors...and then I look over to the dresser and there are hundreds of lizards covering it...crawling into the drawers and everywhere...I run to find Chris and when he goes into the bedroom, everything is gone. No worm snakes. No lizards. He wants me to go back to bed. Yeah right dude...you go back to bed in the room with the worm snakes and lizards! I'm getting out of this infested house. So I leave and as I'm driving, little tiny worms are falling out of my hair...now I'm freaking out. At this point, I start worrying that while I was sleeping, worms might have crawled inside me and 9 months from now, I'm going to deliver some giant worm baby. So I start searching for a scientist of some sort because I have stored the baby worms that were crawling on me in a cup...but before I find the scientist, the worms turn into some pink mush. And then Adler starts crying in real life and I have no choice but to wake up...to the nuisance that is my brain...
Brain: You're welcome. You should have just stayed awake like I was telling you to!
And while we're at it...here's a note to my sweet baby boy Adler:
It's been almost a week since daylight savings...get on board with it and please refrain from crying until anytime after 7. These 6 o'clock wake up calls are not meshing well with my middle of the night brain battles that I seem to be having lately! Thanks little buddy.
A few more things to note...yesterday I was making some potato/cheddar/broccoli/chicken thing when I hear this exchange between the kids at the kitchen table:
Ayris: Something smells like throw-up...I think mom is making lunch...
Asher: Well I don't like throw-up.
Ayris: I don't either.
Asher: Ayris, I don't want to eat throw-up for lunch!
Ayris: I don't want to eat throw up either!
That was a totally normal conversation between the two of them...as though 1) I wasn't within earshot and couldn't hear them and 2) as though I just might actually feed them throw up for lunch...Sheesh! In case you're wondering...Ayris wouldn't touch the throw-up but Asher quite enjoyed it =)
And lastly, here's Chris and I's conversation on the way to a parenting workshop this past Tuesday night:
Me: I'm tired.
Chris: Well if we're not paying for this class, do we really have to go?
Me: We're going.
Chris: Wanna go to the mall?
Me: I hate the mall...
Chris: Wanna go to the casino?
Me: I hate the casino...
Chris: Wanna go cruising for chicks?
Me: No. The only other place I'd want to go, is a place that has a bed, so I can take a nap.
Chris: Wanna go to slumberland?
Hahahaha! Turns out, slumberland would have been a far better option than the actual parenting class =) Chris has started his own blog and he chronicles the parenting class here... Feel free to message him and ask him how he came up with the name of his blog...I'm sure he would love that since he spent a good 20 minutes trying to explain it to me on 3 separate occasions =)
I do want to post my favorite "comic" of his so far:
Oh how this cracks me up. He put 20 children on there! I'd say the stick figure representing me looks mighty fine for having 20 children!!!
3:57 a.m.
Brain: Hey, wake up...your baby is crying.
Me: Shut up. It's not my night. It's Chris', hence the earplugs in my ears.
Brain: He's still crying. Get up. You have to pee anyway.
Me: Seriously, leave me alone. It's my night tomorrow...I'll get up with him then.
Brain: What kind of mom are you?
Me: OMGOSH FINE! Quit begging. I'll get up. Just shut up about it.
Brain: See! That didn't take long. Now let's talk! Let's play! Let's start thinking about the day ahead of us!
Me: Let's not. That day isn't for another...(checks phone) 2.5 hours...
Brain: Okay, let's think about yesterday! That women's holiday dinner was nice huh? Wonder if it's snowing out? Are you going to be grateful even if you wake up tomorrow/I mean today, and there's 8 inches of snow on the ground???? Huh, huh, huh? Are ya?
Me: Please stop talking to me.
Brain: I bet you're gonna be mad if you can't go out and see your movie tomorrow because of the snow.
Me: Oh, I'm gonna go see my movie. I have to go to Target too...I promised Ayris a pink lizard...and I need to get them some pillow pets too...Oh, and that Ramona and Beezus movie...that'll be a good one for Ayris.
Me: OH MY GOODNESS! You're totally keeping me awake!
After another 45 minutes of tossing and turning while trying to shut my brain up, I finally fall back to sleep. And I have this awesome dream where I wake up in bed and a little baby lizard is eating a tiny snake right beside me...what the heck...I jump up...and more snakes start appearing...they're so small they're more like tiny worms...before I know it, my entire bedroom is covered in wormy snake things...all over the walls and the floors...and then I look over to the dresser and there are hundreds of lizards covering it...crawling into the drawers and everywhere...I run to find Chris and when he goes into the bedroom, everything is gone. No worm snakes. No lizards. He wants me to go back to bed. Yeah right dude...you go back to bed in the room with the worm snakes and lizards! I'm getting out of this infested house. So I leave and as I'm driving, little tiny worms are falling out of my hair...now I'm freaking out. At this point, I start worrying that while I was sleeping, worms might have crawled inside me and 9 months from now, I'm going to deliver some giant worm baby. So I start searching for a scientist of some sort because I have stored the baby worms that were crawling on me in a cup...but before I find the scientist, the worms turn into some pink mush. And then Adler starts crying in real life and I have no choice but to wake up...to the nuisance that is my brain...
Brain: You're welcome. You should have just stayed awake like I was telling you to!
And while we're at it...here's a note to my sweet baby boy Adler:
It's been almost a week since daylight savings...get on board with it and please refrain from crying until anytime after 7. These 6 o'clock wake up calls are not meshing well with my middle of the night brain battles that I seem to be having lately! Thanks little buddy.
A few more things to note...yesterday I was making some potato/cheddar/broccoli/chicken thing when I hear this exchange between the kids at the kitchen table:
Ayris: Something smells like throw-up...I think mom is making lunch...
Asher: Well I don't like throw-up.
Ayris: I don't either.
Asher: Ayris, I don't want to eat throw-up for lunch!
Ayris: I don't want to eat throw up either!
That was a totally normal conversation between the two of them...as though 1) I wasn't within earshot and couldn't hear them and 2) as though I just might actually feed them throw up for lunch...Sheesh! In case you're wondering...Ayris wouldn't touch the throw-up but Asher quite enjoyed it =)
And lastly, here's Chris and I's conversation on the way to a parenting workshop this past Tuesday night:
Me: I'm tired.
Chris: Well if we're not paying for this class, do we really have to go?
Me: We're going.
Chris: Wanna go to the mall?
Me: I hate the mall...
Chris: Wanna go to the casino?
Me: I hate the casino...
Chris: Wanna go cruising for chicks?
Me: No. The only other place I'd want to go, is a place that has a bed, so I can take a nap.
Chris: Wanna go to slumberland?
Hahahaha! Turns out, slumberland would have been a far better option than the actual parenting class =) Chris has started his own blog and he chronicles the parenting class here... Feel free to message him and ask him how he came up with the name of his blog...I'm sure he would love that since he spent a good 20 minutes trying to explain it to me on 3 separate occasions =)
I do want to post my favorite "comic" of his so far:
Oh how this cracks me up. He put 20 children on there! I'd say the stick figure representing me looks mighty fine for having 20 children!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
On Being A Mother, Getting OLD, and Talking to God...
For all of the times that I may have been talking about some of the struggles of being a mom...how exhausting it can be, the sometimes crappy sleep, the throw up and wiping butts...the meltdowns, the 2 million questions that are usually the same thing asked in various ways, etc...I rarely focus on how rewarding and empowering being a mother is...and I say rarely because it's far easier to get caught up in all the work that goes along with being a mom, instead of the payoff. Yesterday I decided that Adler needed a little one on one time with me so while Ayris and Asher played downstairs we went up to take a shower and it was there, as I had a stronghold on Adler straddling my hip while beating on my chest with his fist AND trying to bounce up and down my side (now that he's big enough to go crazy in his jumper, when he's out of it, he'll be kicking his legs, trying to bounce on whoever is holding him) that I realized how having children really can make you feel accomplished. I managed to brush my teeth, wash my hair with shampoo AND conditioner, wash my entire body as well as Adler's all while holding him for those 20 minutes. Obviously this isn't the first time we've showered together but it was the first time that I was overcome with gratitude for being able to juggle it all. Being a woman in general can be a daunting task, but adding motherhood onto it adds a whole new realm of responsibilty and pressure. I may not be changing lives out in the world but I'm hopefully changing my children's lives by being here. They won't remember how totally awesome their mama was at taking a shower while holding them as a baby but hopefully they'll remember the small moments that happened in between the juggling bit...like standing for 5 minutes smiling together as Adler tried to eat the thousands of little water droplets that kept hitting his tongue...or in Ayris and Asher's case, the shampoo mohawks and fog drawings on the shower door. It's exhausting but it's rewarding...and for all of the moments that do make you want to scream "REALLY?!?!?", there's probably thousands of women out there who'd do anything to trade places with you...to wear vomit and wipe butts and juggle a million things all at once just so they too could experience the awesomeness of being a mom.
In addition to being more grateful of my role, I'm trying to get my life back in order...not that I felt it was ever really off track, but I can always be more appreciative, more loving, more accepting, more forgiving. And in trying to become this better version of myself, I'm trying to become more aware of God and what he's doing in my life...or at least trying to do. But as I was laying in bed last night TRYING to get through my prayers, I couldn't help but smile at what a conundrum it all is. God made me who I am but I question if he doesn't secretly wish he could go back and tweak some things =) I am seriously like someone with ADD on crack when trying to get through my prayers. I shouldn't label myeslf with ADD when I don't have it but if a person were to look at my brain and see thoughts...for instance, if I had 97 little thought circles in my head that you could see, at any given time, as many as 77 of those 97 circles would probably be lit up...I can see why Chris' eyebrows start to raise as we're having a conversation and I've veered off in so many different directions that sometimes I don't even get back to my initial thought until he circles me back...well praying is about 600 times worse because I don't see God rolling his eyes, as an indicator for me to wrap it up... so often times, this is how it goes:
Dear God,
Thank you for blessing my life with three beautiful children. Please forgive me for my sins...while we're talking about sins, am I supposed to list out my sins or can I just say, please forgive me of my sins and you'll just erase them all? Because I'm pretty sure I said God a handful of times today...Like "Oh my God!", not because I was talking about you or something...oh, and I'm pretty sure I said retarded a few times too...and though I don't think it's a sin to say retarded, I should probably stop. I didn't lie at all today though...not that I lie alot, but like white lies. But if I go into something knowing that it's a sin...like lying, and then I ask forgiveness knowing full well that it was a sin to begin with..does that still count...or do you like forgive me less? Because I don't think I can be perfect. I wonder what I should do with my day tomorrow since Chris is giving me some time...maybe I should see a movie...that 127 hours looks good but I don't think it's here in MN yet. Whatever, it won't matter...I'm really just going for the popcorn. That reminds me, I need to go to Target after the movie to get those boxes of cereal with the free movie tickets on the front...oh, which means I'll have to print off those Cinnamin Toast Crunch coupons online before I leave. Wait, where was I going with this...crap, I was praying. God, you still there? So forgive me for my sins. Man, I should download that Original Sin song by Taylor...wait, what was her name? I'll google that tomorrow. Maybe I should google it now because I'll forget tomorrow. Taylor Dayne..that's it. But now I wonder, should I even be listening to a song about looking for an original sin? Probably not but, what the heck, I'm not perfect...I probably shouldn't be watching half of the tv shows that I do either but I'm not quitting that. OH MY GOSH, I'M LIKE SOMEONE WITH ADD ON CRACK! Sorry God...I just said gosh AND I keep getting sidetracked. But yeah, I'm totally going to write about this on the blog tomorrow...
At which point, I spend the next 11 minutes thinking about what I'll say on the blog (that I have long since forgotten)...honestly though, my 45 minute prayer could really be about 4 minutes in length if I could actually get the prayer all out without wandering to 20 other things throughout...that's what I'm saying about God though...he knows I'm like this already so in essence, when he made me...he knew full well he'd be putting in a good 45 minutes worth of time on mostly senseless stuff...and he still made me anyway. It occured to me last week that God made me increasingly special, when I got caught up talking to my friend Debbie:
"I think being Catholic would be awesome in that respect only (going to confessional)...getting to sit in a box telling all my sins to someone and talking about whatever...I'd probably visit that box everyday. They'd have to kick me out too...there'd be a line forming because I'd be in there forever. I wonder if there are rules for that...like time limits...cuz I'm sure I'm not the only person like that. This kind of makes me want to go find a confessional. You think they would let an Assemblies of God person just come in and sit in the box and talk even if I'm not Catholic? I think that's gonna go on my bucket list if so...that, right along with milking a cow. I've always wanted to do that. God made me special didn't he??? =)"
All of you are probably thinking about how fortunate Chris is to have me right about now huh?? =) He knows he totally scored big time with me! =) Seriously though, I WANT to go sit in a box and talk to a priest.
Anyway, I've strayed long enough here...on with some pictures!
Working on his Rod Stewart like Asher did here:
So Chris and I helped the kids carve their pumpkins and then they asked for butter knives to do a little something themselves...Asher's ended up completely faceless and Ayris' lost his teeth and got a bunch of holes added...but they were happy and proud so it's all good...
Kind of an eclectic group of trick-or-treaters but...cute non the less...
By the time we got home from visiting the grandparents houses, Asher had ripped the butt in his spiderman costume so he became Iron Man...and around 3:30 or so Ayris came down with a fever but she insisted on going to 4 houses even though she was miserable...which is why she looks it in this picture...
My baby girl is growing up..and it kinda sucks for this mom...
Sitting in the sink after the "my mom is so amazing and awesome" shower that we took...
Look at those legs! Such a chunk...I don't know how you people can come on here and see these pictures of Adler without just wanting to drive on over to hold him...sometimes if I'm on the blog and see his pictures at night, I just want to go wake him up and give him some little squishes on his cheeks!
And this lovely picture is further proof of my aging body...I have no idea how I got this bruise...it's like they just show up...and the last time I checked, people like my mom and grandma were the ones who had mystery bruises....guess I'm joining that super cool club now.
Some pictures I got of Adler talking to Grandma Sooner:
"Oh hi Grandma, what's up?"
"Really, are you serious?"
"That's like the best news ever!"
"Yeah, thanks for letting me know, I'm going to tell all of my baby friends"
"Uh Grandma, I'm going have to call you later...mom's all up in my business again with her camera"
And our lovely little middle child had been missing for a bit so when I went upstairs to find him, I found him sitting in his sisters hat eating day old popcorn on our bed...never a dull moment with this one =) There is an extremely lucky lady out there right now probably sitting in her own cartoon pajamas not even knowing that 20+ years from now, she's going to be married to this fine man!
In addition to being more grateful of my role, I'm trying to get my life back in order...not that I felt it was ever really off track, but I can always be more appreciative, more loving, more accepting, more forgiving. And in trying to become this better version of myself, I'm trying to become more aware of God and what he's doing in my life...or at least trying to do. But as I was laying in bed last night TRYING to get through my prayers, I couldn't help but smile at what a conundrum it all is. God made me who I am but I question if he doesn't secretly wish he could go back and tweak some things =) I am seriously like someone with ADD on crack when trying to get through my prayers. I shouldn't label myeslf with ADD when I don't have it but if a person were to look at my brain and see thoughts...for instance, if I had 97 little thought circles in my head that you could see, at any given time, as many as 77 of those 97 circles would probably be lit up...I can see why Chris' eyebrows start to raise as we're having a conversation and I've veered off in so many different directions that sometimes I don't even get back to my initial thought until he circles me back...well praying is about 600 times worse because I don't see God rolling his eyes, as an indicator for me to wrap it up... so often times, this is how it goes:
Dear God,
Thank you for blessing my life with three beautiful children. Please forgive me for my sins...while we're talking about sins, am I supposed to list out my sins or can I just say, please forgive me of my sins and you'll just erase them all? Because I'm pretty sure I said God a handful of times today...Like "Oh my God!", not because I was talking about you or something...oh, and I'm pretty sure I said retarded a few times too...and though I don't think it's a sin to say retarded, I should probably stop. I didn't lie at all today though...not that I lie alot, but like white lies. But if I go into something knowing that it's a sin...like lying, and then I ask forgiveness knowing full well that it was a sin to begin with..does that still count...or do you like forgive me less? Because I don't think I can be perfect. I wonder what I should do with my day tomorrow since Chris is giving me some time...maybe I should see a movie...that 127 hours looks good but I don't think it's here in MN yet. Whatever, it won't matter...I'm really just going for the popcorn. That reminds me, I need to go to Target after the movie to get those boxes of cereal with the free movie tickets on the front...oh, which means I'll have to print off those Cinnamin Toast Crunch coupons online before I leave. Wait, where was I going with this...crap, I was praying. God, you still there? So forgive me for my sins. Man, I should download that Original Sin song by Taylor...wait, what was her name? I'll google that tomorrow. Maybe I should google it now because I'll forget tomorrow. Taylor Dayne..that's it. But now I wonder, should I even be listening to a song about looking for an original sin? Probably not but, what the heck, I'm not perfect...I probably shouldn't be watching half of the tv shows that I do either but I'm not quitting that. OH MY GOSH, I'M LIKE SOMEONE WITH ADD ON CRACK! Sorry God...I just said gosh AND I keep getting sidetracked. But yeah, I'm totally going to write about this on the blog tomorrow...
At which point, I spend the next 11 minutes thinking about what I'll say on the blog (that I have long since forgotten)...honestly though, my 45 minute prayer could really be about 4 minutes in length if I could actually get the prayer all out without wandering to 20 other things throughout...that's what I'm saying about God though...he knows I'm like this already so in essence, when he made me...he knew full well he'd be putting in a good 45 minutes worth of time on mostly senseless stuff...and he still made me anyway. It occured to me last week that God made me increasingly special, when I got caught up talking to my friend Debbie:
"I think being Catholic would be awesome in that respect only (going to confessional)...getting to sit in a box telling all my sins to someone and talking about whatever...I'd probably visit that box everyday. They'd have to kick me out too...there'd be a line forming because I'd be in there forever. I wonder if there are rules for that...like time limits...cuz I'm sure I'm not the only person like that. This kind of makes me want to go find a confessional. You think they would let an Assemblies of God person just come in and sit in the box and talk even if I'm not Catholic? I think that's gonna go on my bucket list if so...that, right along with milking a cow. I've always wanted to do that. God made me special didn't he??? =)"
All of you are probably thinking about how fortunate Chris is to have me right about now huh?? =) He knows he totally scored big time with me! =) Seriously though, I WANT to go sit in a box and talk to a priest.
Anyway, I've strayed long enough here...on with some pictures!
Working on his Rod Stewart like Asher did here:
So Chris and I helped the kids carve their pumpkins and then they asked for butter knives to do a little something themselves...Asher's ended up completely faceless and Ayris' lost his teeth and got a bunch of holes added...but they were happy and proud so it's all good...
Kind of an eclectic group of trick-or-treaters but...cute non the less...
By the time we got home from visiting the grandparents houses, Asher had ripped the butt in his spiderman costume so he became Iron Man...and around 3:30 or so Ayris came down with a fever but she insisted on going to 4 houses even though she was miserable...which is why she looks it in this picture...
My baby girl is growing up..and it kinda sucks for this mom...
Sitting in the sink after the "my mom is so amazing and awesome" shower that we took...
Look at those legs! Such a chunk...I don't know how you people can come on here and see these pictures of Adler without just wanting to drive on over to hold him...sometimes if I'm on the blog and see his pictures at night, I just want to go wake him up and give him some little squishes on his cheeks!
And this lovely picture is further proof of my aging body...I have no idea how I got this bruise...it's like they just show up...and the last time I checked, people like my mom and grandma were the ones who had mystery bruises....guess I'm joining that super cool club now.
Some pictures I got of Adler talking to Grandma Sooner:
"Oh hi Grandma, what's up?"
"Really, are you serious?"
"That's like the best news ever!"
"Yeah, thanks for letting me know, I'm going to tell all of my baby friends"
"Uh Grandma, I'm going have to call you later...mom's all up in my business again with her camera"
And our lovely little middle child had been missing for a bit so when I went upstairs to find him, I found him sitting in his sisters hat eating day old popcorn on our bed...never a dull moment with this one =) There is an extremely lucky lady out there right now probably sitting in her own cartoon pajamas not even knowing that 20+ years from now, she's going to be married to this fine man!
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