I just finished watching "The Boys Are Back"...long story short, the mom dies of cancer and the dad is left to raise the boys on his own...on his refrigerator, there are magnets that spell out "Just say yes"...when asked what that meant, he explained that it was to remind himself to say yes more to his kids.
I'm actually going to try this myself. I was thinking about that tonight as I was laying in bed with Ayris. I'm pretty sure I say "NO" about a hundred times a day...sometimes without even thinking...it's just become natural to blurt that out without even considering whether the request is really that ludicrous to begin with. Not only that, but half of the time, if Ayris' pesters me enough, I eventually cave...so is it better to have a mother who just allows you to be a kid and do the crazy things you want to do...or to have a mother who goes back on her initial word and just gives in because she's sick of hearing all the begging? Obviously it's not the latter...I've taught her that if she just wines enough, there's a 50% chance I'll give in...and then it becomes increasingly difficult for her to even understand when sometimes it's a solid NO with no options of it turning into a yes.
When you think about it though...it's no wonder kids want to grow up so fast...it would suck to be living by someone else's rules 24/7 and never being able to do the things you want to do. Having not one, but multiple adults deciding what is best for you on a day to day basis...and by best, I don't mean important things like holding hands when we cross the street or brushing your teeth at night...I mean, the little things kids want to do that we just automatically say no to.
Today Ayris wanted an ice cube in her macaroni because it was too hot...I told her that we only put ice cubes in soup to cool it off but not macaroni because that would make it gross. Looking back, who cares...more than likely, the child isn't going to care if it gets watered down because half of her food ends up being dipped in her milk or water anyway and she still manages to eat that...so again, I should have just given her the ice cube.
She often wants to put her stuffed animals in the bathtub to "wash" them...sometimes I tell her it's okay and sometimes I say absolutely not...because in turn, this requires me to then put the stuffed animals in the washing machine so they don't get that yuck smell...and in my mind, I already have enough laundry to do without the addition of some huge stuffed elephant that "needs a bath." But again, how much more work is it to just toss it in and then throw it in her toy basket after its dry? I don't even have to fold it or hang it up!
I can't count the number of times that I've said no to painting because I wasn't in the mood to clean up the brushes and the table and the kids clothes and the kids themselves after they had painted on everything that was in arms reach...
Just last night I told Ayris she couldn't get out her legos (not the huge duplo kind...the teeny tiny kind that have about a thousand pieces to their name) because we were going to be leaving in a few minutes and I didn't want to pick up the mess...well why buy the toy if I don't want them to play with it?
I know there are a million other things I say no to on a daily basis...with most of my reasoning being based on how much more work it's going to create for me. I tend to think I have enough on my plate without spending an extra twenty minutes picking playdoh out of the carpet because neither child knows how to keep it on the huge space we call a table...but honestly, what is more important? Having my children look back on their mother as someone who always said NO so her life could be easier, or sacrificing a little bit more time so her kids could be happy? And that's being a little dramatic because I do think my kids are happy BUT I almost guarantee if I started saying YES more, Ayris would take notice and ask what was up. There was one day when we were all driving in the car and Ayris and I were talking and all of a sudden she goes "Mommy, why are you being so nice?"...and I was like, what do you mean?? "Well you're just not yelling..." She didn't mean it in a bad way (obviously I had just yelled a lot that day for whatever reason) but it kind of broke my heart at the time. It's hard being a parent sometimes...because you just do things on autopilot...whether it be saying no 24/7 or yelling, or having high expectations from the oldest...and you don't really think about it until an incident like that happens and you're faced with the reality that you're obviously not that perfect mom that you think you're striving to be...far from it.
Anyway, long story short...I'd like to start saying NO a little less and YES a little more...we'll see how long I can keep it up...as I will forever be a work in progress...I'm just glad I have these little reminders that are my kids to keep me in check!
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