Imperfection With A Little Manipulation Thrown In...

SO...yesterday, Omen 1 and Omen 2 (as Chris lovingly called them and I thought appropriate) decided to flood my kitchen and drench my walls, cabinets, picture frames, counter tops, seat cushions, CEILING and CARPET (that sloshed and showed standing water when you walked on it!) in a matter of about 10 minutes while I was upstairs. They used the kitchen sink sprayer to cover absolutely everything that existed in the dining room and kitchen. It was an awesome sight to see water dripping from the ceiling. I completely lost it like a crazy woman...spanked Asher because he was the one holding the sprayer at the time (Ayris was conveniently upstairs shedding her soaked through clothes and wiping down her hair and body with a towel)...I put Asher in a time out after I removed his shirt. He's crying bloody murder, never having seen me so mad when Ayris comes trotting down the stairs and loving says:

"Mom...why are you so mad?"

At which point, I decided that my two little angels were going to be taking a nap for the first time in ages. As I'm marching them up the stairs, Ayris says:

"But Mom, we haven't had lunch yet!"

Mom: I don't care! You're going to bed!
Ayris: But Mom! I don't want to go to bed before I've eaten lunch!
Mom: Yeah? Well I don't want to spend the next hour wiping up the kitchen and getting all the water up off the carpet but I have to do that!

(I ended up with TWO tub fulls of water (the attached reservoirs that come on shampooers) AND I'll also have you know that my children eat from sun up to sun down...they've usually had multiple things to eat before lunch even rolls around...so no need to judge for me sending them to bed without lunch...AND they also had milk the whole time so...=)

Turns out, neither child even took a nap...the little actress that is my daughter faked sleeping the three times I came into the room and she did a pretty good job until I caught on that she was "waking up" just as I was closing the door each time. But they sure as heck finished their two hour sentence in their room quietly while I cleaned up the kitchen and then watched an episode of Desperate Housewives. Yes, I gave myself a good 42 minutes of guilty pleasure that day...because honestly, how often do I ever get to lock up my kids? NEVER...it's pretty much Curious George and Caillou EVERYDAY until my little cherubs go to bed and I get some me time. However, after seeing how well putting the fear of God in them worked to my advantage, I may have a new tactic on mothering.

(I'm totally kidding...I'll suck it up and sacrifice all the really cool things I could be doing during a two hour reprieve each day during their hypothetical lockdowns.)

So now...on to the manipulation part...I'm lovingly awakened this morning to Ayris saying:

"Mom! There's more snow on the ground...I think we should play outside ALL day today!"
Mom: Ayris! You know how I feel about the cold.

(At this point, I'll stop to advise you that I really hate the cold. Although Chris might disagree now that our house is kept at 65 degrees at night =) When I go out in the cold, my back tenses up and I unintentionally shake on the inside, not from being cold...I don't know what it is...almost a stress response...so within minutes, I'm exhausted and aching with back pain...PLUS, I don't enjoy frozen nose hairs and the red dry skin it gives me...overall, going out in the snow is absolutely miserable for me) At which point, my very smart and manipulative daughter states:

"Yeah, well Daddy doesn't like the cold, but he takes us outside anyway!"

For starters, pretty sure Daddy doesn't mind the cold...and secondly, Good for Daddy! There's plenty of things Daddy doesn't do that Mommy does so I guess that's part of his "taking one for the team" things!

Seriously, I think I should cut off ALL communication between myself and that child because she is a FAST learner. I mean, doesn't that comment kind of go hand in hand with my comment yesterday about her not wanting to go to bed before lunch and my retaliation being that I didn't want to clean the kitchen but I had to do it anyway...maybe they are not exactly the same ideas but they are similar tactics/responses none the less. They both implore guilt onto the other party.

Oh, the joys of motherhood. On the episode that I snuck in of Desperate Housewives yesterday, this character Lynette (who is a working mom of 4 and NEVER gets a break from her children) is finally taking a much needed vacation with her friend Gabby...during their massages, Gabby's phone rings and it's Lynette's husband, Lynette is trying to tell Gabby she doesn't want to talk and when she gets on the phone, her husband has thrown his back out on his and the kids camping trip and needs her to cancel her vacation. When she hangs up, she responds, "I hate my life" to which Gabby responds, "It totally does, I'd never switch places with you!" All the while, Gabby is going through a nasty divorce with her husband and basically having issues all around...but still wouldn't trade places just because she knows how much it would suck to be a mom 24/7.

It doesn't suck to be a mom. It sucked yesterday but it doesn't always suck. The little demons are worth it most of the time, which we obviously all realize once we have them...otherwise, the world would be a lot less populated!

On a positive note for my children, my friend Aleece has stepped up to the good mother plate and invited us over while SHE will take the kids out in the snow...all I have to do is her dishes in return. Sounds like an AWESOME plan to me! AND just so you know, I would have sucked it up and taken them out eventually BUT the time they would have spent outside would have been minimal...like 5 minutes max...and I can't swear that I wouldn't have just sent them out the door while I stood inside watching through the window =) But now we'll never know since my dear friend Aleece will be doing the treacherous task for me!