An array of thoughts and then I'm going back to bed!

So, it's almost four a.m. and for lack of something better to do right now, I figured I'd write about what is currently keeping me up. Asher woke up around 3 and I discovered that I had a headache so I went downstairs and got a migraine patch, along with some Excedrin...once I got back to bed, I was too "awake" so I started thinking about this trip Chris and I have been trying to work out. He's going to Cincinnati, Ohio for 4 days in a few weeks and we had decided that Ayris and I would join him so her and I could spend some time going to the zoo/aquarium, etc. Well, it's not really working out with the timing/plane space. Chris didn't see that there were any seats left...when I told him there was exactly 3, he tried logging on but couldn't get a connection in his hotel room, etc, etc...just one thing after another...so, the paranoid freak that I am, all of a sudden I think...wait, what if something is going to happen with that flight and THIS is the reason that I shouldn't be on it...this is how my mind works people...it's completely lame and I hate that my mind always goes straight to this crap...but here's what I was getting at...so immediately, the thought goes through my head, "God, please don't let anything bad happen to me or my family." Okay, well first, that's pretty darn vague...because bad crap is bound to happen at some point, whether it be a broken bone or whatever...but I'm choosing to believe God knew what I meant. No sooner than I prayed that silent thought, I began to wonder if it was even worth it. Seriously, please don't let anything bad happen? If something bad is going to happen, God already knows about it because he's all knowing right? So technically, he's not going to stop it just because I ask...or IS he? Are altercations made based on the prayer requests coming in? Like, oh, well, I WAS going to let something bad happen to her but now that she's requested it not happen, I won't...like are there really options in life when it comes to our "destiny" or is it truly all laid out...because God always knows what road we're going to take anyway, right? It's like life is just set up to feel like we have choices in the matter and that it was OUR doing. It's like this little blurb I just read recently from mycharmingkids.net...the wife must be a popular blogger and she opened up questions from her readers geared towards her husband answering them...here was one:


How much say or input did you get into the naming of your MSC (many small children) (Their real names, not their blog names!)?

Their blog names, I was not asked or handed a list. Their real names, I was handed a list each time. And asked to pick from that already determined list. For example, MckMama would ask me, "Do you like the name Steve, Bill or Bob?" And I would say "Steve." And then she would ask, "Do you like Bill or Bob?" And I would say "Bob." And she would say, do you like the name "Bill"? And I'd say, "Do I really have a choice?" And she'd say "Yes." And I'd say, "Then I like the name Bill." And we'd name that baby Bill. That's just how it went. What can I say? She loves naming babies!

I shared that with Chris because I knew he'd get a kick out of it. That's how a lot of decisions go in our house. It's like as women, we really want men to feel as though they have choices/options/and a strong part in the decisions being made but ultimately, we already know what we want and the outcome so we just try to do a good job alluding them in feeling like they had a say. Although honestly, it can go both ways...it's like we don't want them to have an opinion but then we get irritated that they don't. For example:

Me: What color of paint should we get for the kids room?
Chris: Honey...I don't care...whatever you want is what I want.
Me: Um, okay...well, what I want is for you to take part in this decision making process so I at least know that you care...why can't you just ever have an opinion instead of always letting me decide?
Chris: Okay, let's paint the room blue then.
Me: Oh, blue isn't even an option, it won't go with the furniture OR the bedding we already have for the room.
Chris: Okay, how about green?
Me: No, that won't work either. I was thinking like a beige or yellow...
Chris: Okay, how about beige.
Me: Yeah, no, that's too bland. How about red?
Chris: (Resigned and this point and annoyed no doubt) Sure, whatever.

It's like they don't care in the first place, but then we get mad that they don't care, so they try and then we end up making the decision anyway. Poor guys. =( And by the way, this was just a scenario. I would never paint the kids room red. I digress...back to God.

So maybe we have choices, maybe we don't? I guess I don't really care at this point because I'm extremely happy with the path my life has taken...I'm fine having God be the one in complete control. I do have LOTS of questions when it comes to God and his plan though...so maybe all this literal thinking will work in my favor...I'm under the assumption that God is a busy man...so I'm thinking he might just want to keep me here on earth a while for fear of the 378 hours it would take to explain everything to my liking. =)

It's now 4:29 and I'm am STARVING. Good luck falling back to sleep now...I'm just going to lay here thinking about McDonalds or donuts...or maybe both.

Happy early 4th of July!