Finally...In Which I Get Around To Posting...

I have not been inspired to write at all lately.  A couple of teenage girls from Oklahoma died in car accident last weekend and even though I didn't know them personally, I am friends with some of their friends so I was able to see all of their facebook posts/pictures which only added to the reality...that could be Ayris one day...that could be Ayris tomorrow...or myself or someone else we know.  SO, death pretty much sucks butt and puts me in a funk every time I'm faced with it.  OH, and then I watched an Oprah show about this mom who took her 3 kids to the mall and on her way home, she was sitting in traffic and got rear ended by a semi going 50+ miles an hour.  All three kids were taken to seperate hospitals and her husband got a call one by one saying that each of them had died.  Horrible right?  They were 5, 3, and 2 I think.  But Oprah assured us that there was silver lining....turns out, they got pregnant again with triplets...2 girls and a boy (same as before).  That is miraculous but it doesn't take away from the suckiness to begin with of losing all three of their children.  I seriously go crazy thinking about stuff when I get into one of these funks...for instance...there's a "long" way home and a "short" way home.  Probably a year ago, I asked the kids if they wanted to go the long way...it's literally 5 seconds longer but it's more "scenic" and it wraps you around the addition instead of just driving straight through it to our house...and I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself, what if going the short way versus the long way could some day make all of the difference (like if we got into an accident going one way or the other) and I don't know why I just apply that in terms to these two options but I do...maybe because the long way winds around and has blind spots?  Then last night, as I was laying in bed, I was thinking about how I'm always worrying about the bad happening...what if we die because we went the long way and not the short way, etc...but I've never thought about the possible numerous times I haven't been in the wrong place at the wrong time...I've never thought about all of the times something could have happened but didn't because I left 10 minutes later than normal or just decided to stay home etc...I don't think any of us think about how fortunate we are on a day to day basis to be here...we only stop to think about it if we *just* make it out alive...like the people who were running late or called in sick on the day of 9/11...the whole idea of the butterfly effect is just creepy...and the fact that we'll never know what particular morning/day is going to be our last.

ANYWAY, this is serving as my kids baby book so I decided I needed to snap out of it and post some pictures before they're grown...

The many faces of Ayris...these particular pictures were taken right after she had won the Dora and Tigger memory game for like the 15th time.  Seriously, there's nothing like losing time and time again to a 4 year old...when literally all you're expected to do is remember a few pictures on some cards!  She's as sharp as a tack though and WAY smarter than I was as a kid (and I was smart so she's just THAT good =)...needless to say, I have high hopes for this one being able to manage the family once I'm too old to do so...







Seriously, this kid, as all the others before him, is like 96% head and 4% eyes, nose, ears and mouth =) The way he's turning and with his bib though, it kind of looks like he's in the barber's chair...





Okay, so I know this picture is blurry but I still love it for some reason...he just looks so confident...like he's modeling and knows that he has it going on. These were those buttless pajamas...they didn't make as cute of pictures as I'd hoped...I needed him to be walking for them to work how I wanted them to and it turns out he's busting out of them in a 12 month size...so, I don't think we're going to make it another 7 months until he's walking to get the butt picture...





Adler in his Dallas Cowboys Onesie/Hat...



He's just started doing this thing with his lips where he turns them inward...Chris pointed out that he's doing it when he laughs now too...



Doing it again...oh but look at those cheeks! Couldn't you just eat him up!!!



This next picture...Ayris made her very own pink cupcake, with purple frosting, pink sprinkles and a cherry on top...all her idea...this girl could be SO many things when she grows up! (As I was just reading this through, I had to laugh...other people who aren't moms could be reading this thinking "Dude, she made a cupcake...she didn't invent the wheel" BUT it's not just about her colorful cupcakes...she's very good at putting these crazy delightful outfits together...she's super smart and full of knowledge...I'm envious of her memory...she's extremely creative...the list goes on and on...but it's not solely because I'm her mother...if she were someone else's child, I'm sure I'd think the same thing..."Oh the places she will go...") And in the second picture, it looks as though Adler has been having a few cupcakes himself...popping those buttons off his 12 month outfit!



Instead of those yummy cupcakes, Adler is now getting lots of homeade baby food...yea for something I'm sticking with! My three big things I wanted to do with this pregnancy was breastfeed (finally gave up at 1 month because I wasn't getting enough milk), cloth diaper (that lasted like 2 seconds once I realized how much work and extra laundry there'd be AND the fact that his then 3 month butt was more like a 12 month butt in clothes) and lastly, I wanted to make my own babyfood...well score one finally because this is something I can do for Adler and I feel good doing it...and it's super simple to cook stuff up and then freeze it in these little cubes...AND I have a book chalk full of recipes that add stuff like cumin and other spices that will aide in creating a bigger palette for him in the future?? AND the picture on the right...I was so giddy when I opened the mailbox and saw 2 different sets of halloween cards for my THREE children =) It's the first holiday since Adler has been born so it kind of hit me...well there was July 4th but seemingly, no one sends cards for that one =) I also got a little twinge of happiness the other day because I've had Adler's big boy carseat installed for the past few weeks because his legs are hanging out of his infant carseat but I've had to carry him a few times when shopping because he's not readily sitting up in a cart...anyway, the other day, I decided to move Asher's carseat to the back row with Ayris so I could use Adler's infant carseat (and leave his installed carseat in at the same time) while we ran some errands...and with all 4 carseats in, it hit me that one day, the entire back car will be filled with kids (it doesn't feel full yet)...and if that weren't enough...look at all of us here! Me and all my babies =)



Yeah, it's not the most flattering picture...(I was laying on the floor with cramps sent from the devil himself (I'm not kidding, I would at times have to drop to my knees just to get through them...I felt like I was in labor minus the drugs...is that normal people?) I do know that I will be on the pill after I'm done having kids until my uterus falls out because I don't plan on dealing with menstral cramps ever again after we're done having kids) BUT that's what I look like 90% of the time anyways AND just seeing all of us laying there takes away from the ugly =)

Asher has said some things lately to Chris that he wanted to make sure got on the blog baby book:

Asher: Look I have a penis...
Chris: Yes, I see that...
Asher: Sometimes it stands up...
Chris:  Yeah, they'll do that...
Asher:  It stands up to look for food...Penis food.

A few days later...

Chris: Remember what we were talking about last night, did you ask mommy yet?
Asher: Yes.
Chris: What did she say?
Asher: She said be quiet.

Asher never asked me anything so I didn't have the opportunity to respond in that way, BUT, in his defense...I AM consistently telling the kids to be quiet =)

Fall Harvest Orchard And A Hotel Stay!

We decided to take an hour long jaunt to Montrose, MN to visit the Fall Harvest Orchard and the kids loved every minute we were there.  The kids loved being able to hold various baby animals...the first of which were three baby kittens...



I loved how eager all of these little goats were to be fed...how cute are they all lined up with their heads under the gate!



The baby chicks along with the kittens were the kids favorite animals...the craziest thing was that none of the baby animals were being attended by staff...this whole orchard is just wide open for children to go up and play with any/all of the animals.




These were my favorite of all the baby animals...I REALLY wanted to hold the baby pigs but all three mama pigs started snorting and nudging their heads if you got too close and I didn't feel like getting attacked by mama pigs so we just looked from afar...they were super cute though...little black and pink piglets...I don't know why I didn't take a picture...


Not sure how they knew the cutest kids in MN were coming on that particular day but they put a sign out for us! =)









Ayris had been asking to have another mommy/daughter hotel date so here are a few shots of her jumping on the bed (with my ghetto camera...which is why these are grainy)



This girl seriously loves to pose for the camera...


Doesn't she just look like she'll be trouble when she gets older?!?



In other news, if there weren't already 101 reasons to work on perfecting this thing called being a mom, Ayris' teacher, upon picking her up from school today, tells me that she was SO excited about our plans tonight.  It took me a minute to realize her teacher was referring to the hotel...seriously though, it seems like her teacher is always mentioning this and that, that Ayris has told her in the 2.5 hours she's at school.  It makes you stop to think...what else is my child telling her teachers?  You start questioning if all of your mom behaviors are going to be okay in the eyes of the teacher...like all the super cool mom moments that you'd like to forget but that seem to remain in the forefront of the kids minds. I just need someone to write a legit "How To Be The Perfect Mother" book...

At least I have perfected the role of perfect wife =)  I'm such a planner; I know it drives Chris nuts:

Me:  So do you think when the next kid is born that we should just take every other night shifts instead of doing like you take half a night and I take the other half of the night?  That way, at least every other night we're getting a full nights worth of sleep?
Chris:  Are you pregnant?
Me:  No, why?
Chris:  Because I'm thinking we could probably discuss this closer to when the baby is born.  You know...after the plan has changed a good 5 or 6 times between now and then?

So.Freaking.Funny.That.Husband.Of.Mine

Some Fall Photos...

So I discovered the other day, that Adler is only awake anywhere from 7-8 hours a day. He sleeps about 12-13 hours at night (not all the way through but getting up to eat or be changed I don't count as "awake" time) and then he wakes up...after about 2 hours, he's ready to go down...he'll sleep anywhere from 2-3 hours and then wake up for another 2-3 hours, then go down for his second nap, that is normally about 2 hours...then he wakes up for another 2-3 hours and then it's bedtime! I'm trying to figure out what's making that kid need so much sleep (the other kids NEVER slept like that during the day)...and some people would say "Oh he's just growing!" but as I was laying in bed thinking about it the other night, I don't think growing takes much effort...matter of fact, I can grow a few pounds in a couple of days and I don't even break a sweat...it's getting smaller that takes a lot of work.  So, I have decided that Adler and I need to switch places...I should be sleeping about 16 hours a day while trying to lose weight and Adler should be good staying awake that long =)  It's just crazy to think that he sleeps for as long as I'm awake during the day and that I sleep for as long as he's awake.

I took the kids out to get a few fall photos before winter rolls in...here are some of my favorites...




I love these next two photos of Ayris and Adler...she just looks so grown up =(


And there's something about her smile in this one that I love...

Today's apparently going to be the day Adler stays up a million hours...he's been trying to go down for a nap for about an hour now and he's super fussy...overtired I guess, anyway, he's refusing to sleep...little rascal just wants to prove me wrong!

My Life Then and Now...

So this morning, I walk into the bedroom, lift up my dress and tell Chris to look at my underwear...

Me: Aren't they cute?
Chris: Yeah.
Me: They were only a dollar at Walmart!
Chris: Yeah, they look comfy.

I start to walk away but then turn back around...

Me: Wait, does that mean that they're ugly? The fact that they look comfy?
Chris: No...it just means they look comfy.

I thought I was scoring good deals when I was getting the $3 underwear from Target but this dollar pair from Walmart had really made my day. I then walked into the bathroom to put on my makeup when I heard Chris jump onto a conference call...something about Nasco's or something and a bunch of abbreviations...and I thought, this is what my life has come to...a pair of dollar underwear from Walmart. I don't even like Walmart...and then there's Chris, who, not only put his conference call on the backburner for 2 minutes while I yammered on about my dollar underwear but, who is still living this important, intellectual life...one that requires brushing your hair regularly...putting on nice clothes...wearing shoes and having conversations that are going to impact thousands of lives everyday when people are purchasing prescriptions...he actually gets to use his brain on a daily basis. I'm not even sure mine is fully functioning at this point. Not only that, but I have no fire left inside.

Ayris was going through a cabinet today and ended up knocking out a folder bursting at the seams with about 50 papers I had written for my Honors Mythic Patterns course in highschool...I was writing all kinds of deep thoughts about Hubris and Hamartia (what even are those now?? Hubris might be linked with ego I'm thinking? I can't remember...and Hamartia...if someone asked me what that was today, I'd say, "Hold on...let me google it"...if I didn't have google, I'm pretty sure I might just have a permanent blank stare on my face at any given time. I even had papers that had 20 extra credit points here and there because of all the thought/work I put into those papers...not only was I smart, but I had that "fire" I mentioned above...I found a note I had written to the teacher of my mythics class:

"I can think of a perfect example of this (on a paper I was writing about Antigone...yeah, I know, who/what is Antigone? I have no idea now...again, I'd have to google it)...YOUR CLASS. You have even admitted that you've been acting in extreme hubris concerning this class. Not only do you disregard the opinion of your students, you do things as you please, and will continue to, no matter how many people complain. Eventually you'll learn though. Perhaps it'll happen when your students are asked to evaluate the class and you as a teacher. Perhaps not. The sad thing about it, is that while you're so wrapped up in trying to keep this class, your students are suffering the effects. You should be concerned about what's going on RIGHT NOW, not what's going to happen 3 years from now."

I also found a note I wrote to the teacher telling him how "pissed" I was for letting students grade papers...these weren't multiple choice papers...these were essay type papers...I used to question things/people in life...my mom always said my mouth would get me into trouble...and it hasn't ye,t but I feel like I'll never have the opportunity to find out if it someday could be there's nothing to question and/or go after...

Anyway, I know what I'm doing is the most important thing that I'll do with my life...raising my children...making sure that they're happy and healthy but at times, its easy to miss being passionate about learning and expecting all sorts of greatness from others. I still seem to have my high expectations but now is the time I need to holster it/reel it in, because it's a constant struggle for me to not expect too much from my kids...Ayris seems older than she is so I have to remind myself that she's only 4. Only 4. How much should a person expect from a 4 year old?

On a somewhat similar note, I just started watching the first season of the show Parenthood (I know, like I don't have enough tv to watch without adding another series) and there's this part where the stay at home mom character goes away for a weekend to help out her friend on a campaign trail (which used to be what she did before having children and quitting her job)...once she got back she was telling her husband that she was offered a job...so he asked how she felt about it, to which she responded:

"I mean honey, I love our kids...I love you and I love being a mom and all of that but honestly, when I was there, I felt so alive and it was just amazing...it was like I was being seen for the first time in so long"...

So it's also kind of like that...being a stay at home mom does change you...you're no longer out in the world...you're kind of just in this bubble...this vomit, poop and temper tantrum filled bubble...and though there are plenty of other mothers in the vomit bubble...we're not meeting on a day to day basis giving high fives for a job well done...we're not getting to congregate around the coffee pot in the breakroom for grown up talk...

I was just thinking yesterday how fortunate I am to live the life that I do...and then this morning, I just laid in bed listening to all three kids wake up at the same time bombarding Chris with an array of their morning queries...and I thought to myself...as fortunate as I am...what I wouldn't give to have Mary Poppins come flying through my window right now...telling me to just take the day off...so I could skip making breakfast, lunch and dinner...I could skip bathtime and the kids fighting...for just one day...

Sometimes I question if I come across like I'm complaining about my life...it's definitely not that...as I mentioned above, I frequently thank my lucky stars...or God in this case for blessing me with all that he has...but I think down the line, it'll be nice to not only see how far I've come with parenting, in terms of how I'm feeling as a mom in the different stages of life with my children, but I also think this could be helpful down the line when my own kids have kids...to think that Ayris could one day be scrolling through 20+ years worth of her mother's thoughts/ideas on raising children...and maybe, once she has children of her own, she'll be reading some of my words and will relate and know that she's not crazy...or alone...and that we, as parents, all go through the same types of emotions...of getting it right...being the best that you can be for your children without screwing up too much along the way. Being a parent is tough...and staying home with my children is even tougher sometimes...it's far more difficult than any job I've ever had in the past, but for all of the things I may be missing out on in the workforce, all of the grown up talk and brain usage, pay increases, etc...hopefully, just hopefully I am making some sort of difference in my kids lives that they might otherwise not have had (in daycare) and if not...well, if not, I'll at least have so many memories and experiences with them that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Below is a cool video I found online about what mothers wished they'd known before they had children...if I had one of my own to ad, I think it would be that, I wish I'd known how much more intense my emotional state would get after having kids...my fears would become greater, my will stronger, my heart heavier, and my love...abounding, and without restraint.




And of course, a few pictures...though kind of blurry, I loved how Adler was just leaning into Asher...


And this picture, I just saw them on the couch this morning and they were in the perfect little order of birth line...

Ayris and Asher Lately...

So I've always been the mom who comes running at the drop of a hat when "the baby" starts stirring...be it Ayris or Asher or Adler...and they don't even have to be awake yet...just any little noise and I'm out there...partly becaus I don't want them to get to a point where they are wide awake. Well last night, I started Adler in his crib and he slept there for 4 hours...from 8 until around midnight. For the next TWO hours our night/morning went like this:

Me: Hey little man...it's not time to wake up right now =)

SO I moved him from the crib to his papasan swing...I turn on the music and the light up stars...then I give him his pacifier and go back to bed...

5 minutes later (You know, just enough time to fall back into a deep sleep), he's shaking the whole swing he's jerking his legs so hard. He's broken free from his swaddle blanket.

So I reswaddle him and move him to his Fisher Price Sleep N Play (thinking that he doesn't want the movement of the swing) and give him a bottle this time...he acts like it's the most disgusting thing he's ever tasted but decides he'll drink it anyway. I go back to bed.

A few minutes later...he's broken the swaddle again...the problem with the swaddling is that he's getting to a point where he doesn't want it anymore...BUT he can't get to sleep without it because he just takes his hands and rubs his eyes forever and if his nails are more than 3 days overgrown, he puts little scratches all over his face too...so I drag myself back out there and he's got the biggest smile ever on his face...so I decide we'll cuddle on the couch...so we laid there and I rubbed his head and talked to him while he kept jerking his legs, rubbing his eyes and smiling back at me...after a good 20 minutes of that, I decided to put him in his crib again with his pacifier...I stood another 25 minutes or so peering in from the tent we have over the crib (so the cats don't get in)...I watched him gazing at his little projector mobile...and I watched him break free from the 500th swaddle I had put him in that night...I watched as he ran his hands along the sides of the bumper pad...then I turned off the mobile with the remote to see what he'd do (since he was actively staying awake for the mobile show)...he started crying...so I reswaddled him and put him back in the swing...I told him AGAIN that it was time to go to bed and I gave him his pacifier.

I've lost track at this point, how many more trips I made back out into the loft but I finally raised my voice and told him to knock it off and to save his smiles for some other day because I was going to bed and was not coming back AND I didn't care if he yelled and screamed and broke his swaddle for the rest of the night! Then I left...and I crawled back into bed and I listened to him cry for a good 15 minutes. And then it was quiet. And then I thought maybe he was dead...because really, can you just be crying and then all of a sudden stop for no good reason? So I made my 287th walk out to the loft (that I said I wasn't going to do again) to make sure he was breathing...AND he was. And he was sleeping! And I'll be darned if that kid didn't sleep for 4 hours straight! That doesn't sound like a lot but it is for the second shift of the night. He usually will give us 4-5 hours at the beginning of the night but when he goes down at 7 and we don't go to bed until 11 or so, we have a good hour before he's up and then the second half of the night he's up like every hour or every other until around 6:30 or 7. AND when he woke up at 6:15, I gave him a bottle and he went back to bed until 7:40! Good boy. I'm going to have to work on being that person who lets their kid cry it out. The problem with that is that it takes 2 hours of my being up and trying 20 different things for me to get to the point where I don't care...I wish I could push a button that would instantly give me that irritated feeling so I could handle him crying for 10-15 minutes at a time...but I don't...so I'm sure I'll continue rushing right out there whenever he stirs =(

It's easy to be a sucker for someone this cute:





At the Scarecrow festival...








My chunk-a-monk is FINALLY big enough that I can start carrying him on my hip...And he's SO smart, he has already mastered the death grip on my shirt when I'm carrying him like this.






So Ayris just looks up from playing her game, sees the ad below and says "Mom, can you get the recipe for those colorful hamburgers?"...and then goes back to playing her game.  Obviously those aren't hamburgers but, if they were, would you even be interested in eating one???  Apparently pink hamburgers are appealing to her.

Also, a few days ago, I had Adler sitting by me and he was kicking me because now that he's used to being in his jumper, he tends to just keep his legs going all of the time..even when he's out of it...so Asher looks over and sees that he's kicking me...he walks over to him, gets down to his level and says "Adler, stop kicking Mommy!  She's a girl you know!"

Seriously, he's three...how does he determine gender-wise, who it's appropriate to kick and not kick??

In other news, I'm being lazy on WW's...last week I still lost but instead of the 2.2 pounds the first week, it was only 1.4...so I need another 1.4 to hit 5 pounds total this week...but I hate recording stuff and I'm kind of over measuring stuff...BUT I still am not eating all of the things I want to eat so I personally feel like I should be losing weight based on that fact alone...and perhaps coupled with the fact that I am still doing my couch to 5K running program...running for 3 minutes straight 2 times the other day was not that fun in my book.  AND I keep seeing ads for Arby's and I REALLY want to go there...so much in fact that last night during my 4 hour stretch of sleep, I dreamt that I was over at my friend Michelle's house and we were about to leave to go there for dinner...wouldn't you know we never made it before my dream ended...I can't even eat in my dreams!  Bleh.